My Very Own Rose.

I was much younger and not in a position to tell my truth, but if I was I would have told my friends and family that my vision of starting a family was slipping away. That had not made sense to me as my urge and deep desire to step into that role was so strong – as though it was my destiny. Motherhood was something that I dreamed of for years, it wasn’t until Chris and Kai that the reasons why became clear to me — became possible.

Kai had been growing in my belly for about 30 weeks when one night in my dreams I walked with my great, great grandma through her garden. As a child I walked with her many times, surrounded by her roses, ferns, geraniums and hanging baskets of fuchsias. In awe and wonder, I often imagined myself there as a fairy in the safest habitat I could possibly be. In my dream, we were casually yarning in her kitchen while we made our tea, which eventuated to sitting on her bench where the conversation became like the feeling of a warm hug. Gran told me I was ready, she told me what a wonderful mother she knew I was to become. No longer this child in her garden, and soon to be bringing my own little rose into the world. We spoke about labor and she instilled in me the wisdom and strength of birthing – of all the strong women in my lineage birthing naturally. To some this might feel like pressure, but to me it was a gift, the knowing that because of them, I can. 

On 08/08/2021 I walked in my own front garden, in our home in Mount Barker, surrounded by bush land and Yongas, and there they were – my very own fuchsias. I walked barefoot, noticing every movement on the ground and in my womb. Picking some flowers to take inside for my labor altar. A conversation occured internally with K – we are ready. Hours later I had in my hands, my very own Rose. 

This week my daughter turns two. Two years of being a mother. Two years of watering, nurturing and feeding this little bud.

Kai now leads me through her grandma's garden, again looking at the geraniums and smelling the lavender. Creating this legacy of limitless grace and imagination.